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Ana Lucia Ferraz

Restart Specialist

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Objective

An IT professional whose entire methodology is switching the device off, waiting, and switching it on again while maintaining unbroken eye contact.

Head of Have You Tried

Ctrl Alt Delete Ltd · 2019 to present

Resolved 2,400 tickets by asking whether the cable was plugged in.
Closed a critical incident by walking away and hoping, which worked.
Wrote documentation nobody read, then cited it in every reply.

Junior Systems Whisperer

Blue Screen Partners · 2016 to 2019

Fixed the office printer by kicking it, then logged the method formally.
Renamed the shared drive and told nobody for eight months.
Advised the finance team to simply use a different computer.

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Endorsements

“She fixed it. She will not explain how, ever.”

Operations Manager

“My laptop works. I am afraid to ask why.”

Head of Finance

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Achievements

Has never once escalated a ticket to anybody else.
Restored a server by unplugging the one next to it.
Keeps a password on a sticky note about passwords.

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Skills & expertise

Turning it off and on

Cable inspection

Sighing audibly

Blaming the network

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