Seeking a role where strategy is defined as sending a Figma link at 4.58pm on a Friday, and where the coffee budget is classified as critical infrastructure.
Trauma, I mean experience
Founder and Chief Joker
Gulbadan Synergy Solutions · 2020 to present
Rebranded the agency four times because the logo no longer matched his mood.
Trained the in-house AI on his own jokes until it refused to attend meetings.
Lost a client after rating their office coffee as a hostile work environment.
Senior Opinion Executive
The Flat White Consultancy · 2017 to 2020
Chaired weekly meetings containing one agenda item and eleven punchlines.
Rejected a rebrand because the client's espresso was served in a glass cup.
Replaced the design brief with a tasting menu and billed it as research.
Achievements
Won a pitch by laughing at the client's own tagline first.
Automated the office coffee rota using a reluctant algorithm.
Set an agency record of nine jokes per single status update.
Skills
Espresso-based design sprints
Aggressive pun deployment
AI-powered meeting derailment
Last-minute perfectionism
Endorsements
“He once tried to expense a single, very rare coffee bean.”
Senior Financial Controller
“His urgent emails are just links to coffee brewing videos.”
Project Manager
This CV will not get you hired. It might make someone snort-laugh.
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